Edward Cullen's Journal Entry 2
by Edward Cullen's Journal
Summary: Journal entries chronicling Edward's version of Twilight saga, starting from his creation through life with Bella. Unique and interesting storyline. Website also includes updated news, fun stuff, and more!


Edward Cullen's Journal- Entry Two "Family"

By Jessica Lathrop

Well, I am not really sure how it happened. Our pair of vampires has become a trio. Carlisle had seen a woman in the morgue and insisted he change her for some reason or another, and of course the idea made me nervous, as my feelings of being a vampire aren't the greatest. The next thing I knew, however, Esme was one of us. She is a wonderful woman. She is kind, caring, warm. The way she takes care of us already comes out in everything she does.

Her story is rather interesting, she is fairly young, and had just given birth to a son. Her son died shortly after birth, and in the distress of losing her baby, Esme threw herself off of a cliff in an attempt to commit suicide. Upon all appearances, her attempt was successful- they even took her body to the morgue, but Carlisle saw her, and heard her heart faintly beating. Being an attractive woman with an obviously strong will to survive- he decided to spare her life and seize this rare opportunity, giving her immortality.

Carlisle seems to have loved her from the moment he saw her in the morgue. I am not sure how that is possible, as I do not understand either women, nor love. Women and I do not seem to have a fondness for each other. That is not to say that there are not beautiful women in this world, for there certainly are. I think that perhaps I have just grown so disgusted with myself that I do not feel as though I deserve love, nor could I ever give love to anyone else.

I am not sure if I will ever know love in this lifetime of mine. I am- after all- doomed to live for eternity. I did not know a woman's love during my human life, for I was 17 when I died, which was not particularly young, but not old enough to have experienced much of the world. Of course, many people court and find love in their late teens and early twenties, however it was only my parents and I, and my responsibilities were enough to keep me grounded and tied down as it were. Love was the least of my concerns.

Now that I am a vampire, I hear the thoughts of the women around me and I know that they are attracted to me. I went through phases, first I was embarrassed by the attention, then I was flattered and even enjoyed it. However, before I could really get to the point where I would have taken any sort of advantage of my looks, which are enhanced by my vampire abilities, Carlisle explained to me that my attractive qualities are purely a ploy, a tactic designed to lure my prey. The mere thought made me sick for a long time. Just one more reason to be considered a monster.

The one thing that neither Carlisle nor I expected was the feelings that would emerge between Esme and Carlisle once Esme finished changing. It was incredibly powerful and something neither of them can deny either to themselves or each other. I have never believed in soul mates before but the intensity of the feelings I hear in their thoughts about one another has changed my beliefs of that subject entirely in a very short period of time. These two are certainly meant to be together. Perhaps one of the reasons he found her in the morgue- or chose her, I should say- is because he already had some of the attraction for her in her human form that he now feels for her as a vampire. It seems as though they are connected on a level deeper than I can understand, and sometimes I wonder if there is something Carlisle has not told me. I can almost hear it in his thoughts, but yet it is not quite there. It is frustrating.

The passion between them is so strong, it is very likely unbreakable. Any separation of the two would probably cause unsurmountable pain for them both. My guess is that if one were destroyed the other would follow along and do their best to join the other in the nothingness that we become after this eternity ends. It is any wonder why Carlisle wants to find me a mate, this feeling between them is incredible.

Carlisle has seen this before, naturally. Since I am a young vampire, I have not. There is so much more that Carlisle knows that I don't. Needless to say, if Carlisle could be considered my father, at least in a vampire sense, I now have a mother as well. At least, she dotes on me, taking care of me. Carlisle's worries about me are now doubled within her as well, and she takes extra care to be sweet to me and coddle me and my every need as a mother would. I must admit, it has been a very long time since I have felt a mother's love and it is a nice feeling. I do not mind having Esme around and her presence is warm and soothing.

It does not completely fill this black ache inside me but it helps to have another soul around to keep me busy. On that note, I bought the piano a while back and isn't it ironic, Esme can play a little bit. She has been teaching me the basics, but I am learning fast so I believe I will have to get a more professional source of teaching soon. I have a few connections down south that are wonderful musicians, perhaps I will travel a while and see if they need a new pianist to come bother them. I am loving this new talent of mine, I am finding music to be very comforting.

Read more at: edwardcullensjournal(.com)


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